Givers and Takers

April 17, 2012

If you want to save the world, start by saving yourself.

Personal boundaries are critical in life. And most of us have never learned the art of protecting ourselves. And what’s worse, we have been wrongly programmed to think that if we give, give and give to others, it will flow back to us. Let’s clear this up… of course what we give comes back to us, but only up to a point. There has to be a self-protecting measure in place that does not allow you to give beyond your comfort level. This is the key and where most problems begin. If you give and give and fully deplete yourself, it actually has the opposite effect – you end up losing in the end.

There is a simple relationship between the givers and the takers. The givers will always be giving and the takers will always take. Why you may ask? Because these patterns (life lessons) are ingrained in us and are set-up very early in life. The givers’ lesson is to learn to give to themselves and the takers’ lesson is to learn to be less selfish and more selfless. These are basic life lessons and they play out over and over again until we learn the lesson and find the balance in our personal relationships. For example, if you are a giver and are exhausted and broken and yet still running around trying to make everyone else happy, you will continually be met with takers who are lined up to keep taking from you. You get handed lesson after lesson and if you choose to accept those lessons, the lesson continues. Once you put your foot down and say “no, I need to focus on me right now,” the lesson stops.

As a giver, it is critical that he/she learn to love themselves and start to set boundaries in all relationships. Givers need to realize that they are not supposed to save the world but save themselves so they have more to contribute successfully without running themselves ragged. A taker will always take if it is on offer. Givers who are exhausted with nothing to show for their giving will fall apart and become very resentful (rightfully so), but whose fault is it really? No one forced them to give anything to anyone. If it isn’t serving you, JUST SAY NO. That energy is much better suited being given to yourself so you have more to give to those you love.

You cannot save anyone from themselves nor are you supposed to. If you want to save the world, start by saving yourself. Give to you, so you have much more to give in all aspects of your life.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Written by Donnalynn Civello

  • Julia, April 17, 2012 Reply

    No is hard for me to do. I will be working on this! Thank you Donnalynn

  • dlcivello, April 17, 2012 Reply

    No is hard for many, many people, Julia - including myself!! But once you say it and set your boundaries, you affirm to the universe that you are worthy of much better things and then people slowly stop "dumping" on you. You can always give as long as you have given enough resources to yourself first. A tired and broken you is no good to anyone. People will only take advantage as long as you allow it. Time to say no! xo dl

  • John O'Shea, April 22, 2012 Reply

    Well said. I have started to say no & it is quite liberating. Thank you for the insight Donnalynn.

    • dlcivello, April 23, 2012 Reply

      You are so welcome, John. Just like I told Julia - once you set those boundaries, things start to shift for you and then you do not feel so infringed upon. You have more quality of time for yourself and therefore you have more to give to others.

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