You Have To Lose to Win

July 31, 2012

…as crazy as that sounds, it is very true.

This is a common theme in my counseling practice. It comes up time and time again. We fail to realize that situations that are not working and not making us happy will never somehow magically transform themselves to be what we need them to be. Sometimes we are just too close to the relationship to see what is really going on. A situation that is in a dysfunctional place will remain dysfunctional unless we take ourselves out of the equation so that the situation can heal appropriately.

This pattern shows up in many areas of our lives but especially in relationships. If you are in a relationship that is no longer supporting your highest good and the highest good of all people involved, then it is important to recognize that it may be time to take a small break from it. This is very hard for people to realize. We stay out of fear and desperation and we use force and anger to get what we want, but by doing so, we inadvertently end up beating the relationship to the ground. Relationships are like people, they need a break from time to time in order to gain proper perspective.

I always say that you have to lose what isn’t working to find something that will. Temporarily lose a toxic relationship now and you will win either a healthier version of that relationship once it has healed or you will win a better relationship with someone new. Either way you have to lose to win.

Beating a relationship to the ground by continually playing out the same drama and nagging will never heal an unhealthy dynamic. It will only contribute to a further demise of the relationship. If you are having problems in a relationship, love yourself and your partner enough to take a little breather from the dysfunction … once there is a degree of space, then both parties can fairly evaluate the relationship as a whole and and their role in it. That objectivity will lead to healing. I assure you if you “lose” the relationship now, you will only get a better version of it when you (or both of you) have a chance to heal from it. If you do not win a better version of that relationship, then no doubt, you will win a better relationship with someone new. Either way, you must lose to win in the end.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

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If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Written by Donnalynn Civello


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