The Rules of Engagement

September 26, 2011

Otherwise known as “kindness and compromise.” Kindness is the road to enlightenment.

Until it is NOT.

As yogis, one should always take the higher road because it always leads you to a higher place. But there is a catch here… kindness only succeeds when fairness has preceded it. In other words, it is very important to establish yourself and your boundaries with others first before kindness can reign king. When you meet a new business partner or a new lover or a friend, it is important that you establish your boundaries upfront – what you will contribute, what you expect in return and what you will not tolerate. This way the playing field has been established and leveled. Now the rules of engagement have been agreed upon and the dance can begin.

Problems only arise when we fail to establish those boundaries upfront. If you are not asking for what you need in a relationship or what you will not tolerate, then you leave yourself open to be compromised (taken advantage of). You are not doing anyone a service by not establishing your boundaries. You suffer and ultimately your relationship suffers. People cannot give you what you are not asking for. 

In relationships I have learned that there is a very fine line between being kind (or accepting of others’ flaws/or not wanting to change people) and being a doormat. If you allow someone to cross your boundaries upfront, I assure you they will unknowingly (or not so unknowingly) continue to do this for the duration of your relationship. After all, if you put a doormat outside your front door on a rainy, muddy evening, what do you think your guests will do with it? People will be very surprised if all of a sudden you yank the doormat out from underneath their feet and tell them to never step on it again! When they have been doing this for years, I assure you it will come as a bit of a shock.

We attract what we put out. If you do not want to be stepped on, take the doormat off the front step. Explain to your guests the first time they walk into your home that they need to take off their shoes. People will understand this and honor it all the days you dance with them. And it is from this mutual place of respect and compromise that kindness can truly reign king.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Written by Donnalynn Civello

0 Comments

Leave A Comment

Leave a Reply

RECENT POSTS: Ethereal Wellness Counseling

When You Walk With Your Head Down

… you walk into walls. It’s common sense. When you’re not looking where you’re going, you’re most likely going to end up somewhere you don’t want to be. Most of us sleepwalk our way through our lives — running the mouse wheel of life. We are so busy trying to make a living that we […]

It’s Not About Making The Right Choice

… it’s about accepting the choice you’ve already made. Our life’s path is made up of choices and there are no mistakes when it comes to making choices, because there are no right or wrong choices, there are only different choices. Don’t get caught up in the choice you’ve made – make it and move on. […]

Looking Back to the Past

… is only helpful to the extent it allows you to move forward into your future.  If it doesn’t, it keeps you back. Your life is only ever in front of you, never behind you. The past can be an informative tool if we don’t get trapped in it. If you want to uncover the […]

A Mid-life Crisis

… requires a mid-course correction. A mid-life crisis can happen at any age, but the wisdom here is that the secret to healing it, is in the way we define it. Life naturally has its ups and downs, and life is constantly asking you to define who you are in relationship to it. You’re never […]

When You’re in the Flow

… everything moves with you. And when you are not, nothing works. When you are in the flow of your life – flowing downstream — everything flows along side you. When you are out of that flow – pushing upstream — things are much more difficult. How do you know the difference? Ask yourself how […]