They just do.
They don’t mean to act like jerks. They are in pain and they have no choice but to lighten their load of that pain by dumping it onto others. In other words, people in pain only know how to heal themselves by hurting others. Deep seated emotional pain builds over time. And pain is such a heavy burden to carry so when people in pain lash out and spew anger at you, it lightens their load and they feel temporarily better. It’s fairly simple but toxic to the person who bears the brunt of that venom.
People in pain not only lash out at you to release some of that pain but they inadvertently allow that pain to shut them down to you as well. In other words, that pain is so heavy that it blots out any other emotion or ability to connect with others. That pain blocks their ability to be empathetic to your needs, it blocks their ability to hear you when you need help, it blocks their ability to be open in a relationship, it blocks their ability to hear constructive criticism, it blocks their ability to be there for others. It only succeeds in creating an angry, aggressive and selfish being who has allowed their pain to isolate them from the rest of the world.
What to do? When people in pain lash out at you, don’t take it on as yours. Recognize that they are not being jerks for no reason, they are in pain and the only way they know how to cope is to throw it at you. Be the bigger person. Recognize they are in pain and cast their drama aside. It’s not yours to carry. Learn to silently say to yourself, “I recognize you are in pain. I don’t need to add to it, so I will just step over here and you can throw your tantrum on someone else. Have a nice day.”
Fighting back with someone in pain never yields the balance you both deserve. Remember when people are in pain, they act like jerks. Send love to that person and it will help to alleviate some of their pain. No one wants to be a jerk. They just do not have the tools they need to heal.
Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.
If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.
If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.
If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.