And we all do it. And we are mostly unconscious of it.
You see, we all have “edges” (boundaries) and when we come up to an edge, we generally and very instinctively run away from it so not to feel the pain that could arise by bumping into that edge.
The “edges” represent a line of emotion that if crossed, the psyche tells us we will feel pain and it is human nature to avoid pain. So when we come up against one of our edges, we usually “run away” by numbing ourselves in a myriad of ways. Maybe you recognize some of them?
– over-indulging in addictive behaviors – food, drink, drugs, video games, sex, etc…
– distracting ourselves with our work/career
– “being too busy”/over-scheduled
– distracting/preoccupying oneself so not to have to focus on what another is saying to us or not having the time to see our own patterns playing out
– putting on armor so people do not know who really are
– changing the subject when the topic pushes an edge of ours
– avoiding deep conversations/connections with others that could potentially hit an edge of ours
– blaming others for our own wrong doings
We may also hit an edge when someone hurts us or when someone loves us more than we love ourselves.
So inevitably, romantic love brings up all our edges. If your life strategy includes hiding from your edges, you will never feel comfortable with someone whom you innately know will push that edge.
The problem isn’t that we have edges, it’s that we spend an inordinate amount of time trying to avoid hitting those edges. But the thing about edges is that they blunt over time – if you approach them often enough. The more experience you have coming up to those edges and experiencing your fears, the less sharp those edges are.
When you come up to an edge, it is your indication that you are feeling an emotion that does not feel safe, but every emotion is there to teach you something about yourself. Dive in.
Avoiding your edges and numbing yourself so you never feel them will NEVER serve you. Your emotionality will never evolve. Do the work on those emotions when they come up and you will find that you know yourself much better and you become emotionally stronger. Know your edges. Know what they bring up. And don’t avoid hitting them. A better day is ahead of you once you wake up from your tranquilized slumber.
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