It’s Complicated

May 29, 2012

… but it shouldn’t be.

Relationships aren’t complicated, we complicate them. If I had a dime for every client who told me that their relationship was “complicated,” I would be a billionaire. Why so complicated? Well for starters, we always stay for the wrong reasons

How do you know if a relationship is really right for you? You first need to be brutally honest with yourself and in doing so, you will be honest with your partner. Honesty is simple, but we hide from it. We don’t always want the answers that it yields.

If you are telling yourself you are in a “complicated relationship,” you need to answer these two honest questions about your relationship:

  1. Are you getting what YOU truly need/want?
  2. Are you giving your partner what THEY truly need/want?

Be honest with yourself, it is not just about what you are getting/receiving but what you are giving to your partner that is just as important. Relationships work both ways. If you definitively answer NO to either one or both questions, then all bets off. The relationship you are in, is not working for either of you (at the moment). It is important to realize that you can love someone but still not be right for them and vice-versa. It only becomes complicated when we choose to stay and force our expectations on them.

Don’t try and change people, don’t resent them for not being what you need them to be. Let people be who they are and if who they are doesn’t work for you, then love them enough to let them go.  Let them find the person that is best for them.

Staying for the wrong reasons never yields you the outcome you desire. It only frustrates the situation. Know yourself, know your heart, know your dreams and know your partner, then you can make the most mature decision for both of you.

Sometimes you need to lose to win. Don’t strangle-hold your relationship until it becomes what you want. You only end up killing it. If you give it a little space and allow each partner to heal, you may just find that you get either a better version of that relationship after it heals or you get a better relationship with someone else. Either way, you win by losing what did not work.

All relationships require some degree of work, but at the end of the day, a relationship either works or it doesn’t… but it should never-ever be “complicated.”

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Written by Donnalynn Civello


Leave A Comment

Leave a Reply

RECENT POSTS: Ethereal Wellness Counseling

When You Walk With Your Head Down

… you walk into walls. It’s common sense. When you’re not looking where you’re going, you’re most likely going to end up somewhere you don’t want to be. Most of us sleepwalk our way through our lives — running the mouse wheel of life. We are so busy trying to make a living that we […]

It’s Not About Making The Right Choice

… it’s about accepting the choice you’ve already made. Our life’s path is made up of choices and there are no mistakes when it comes to making choices, because there are no right or wrong choices, there are only different choices. Don’t get caught up in the choice you’ve made – make it and move on. […]

Looking Back to the Past

… is only helpful to the extent it allows you to move forward into your future.  If it doesn’t, it keeps you back. Your life is only ever in front of you, never behind you. The past can be an informative tool if we don’t get trapped in it. If you want to uncover the […]

A Mid-life Crisis

… requires a mid-course correction. A mid-life crisis can happen at any age, but the wisdom here is that the secret to healing it, is in the way we define it. Life naturally has its ups and downs, and life is constantly asking you to define who you are in relationship to it. You’re never […]

When You’re in the Flow

… everything moves with you. And when you are not, nothing works. When you are in the flow of your life – flowing downstream — everything flows along side you. When you are out of that flow – pushing upstream — things are much more difficult. How do you know the difference? Ask yourself how […]