Fixing People Never Works

July 13, 2015

th… getting out of their way does.

After all, if you can’t fix them, you don’t want to get cut on their broken edges.

We tend to have expectations of people. We believe in “who they can be,” not necessarily who they have chosen to be. But it’s not your job to get people to change. Your wanting to change them (albeit for the own personal benefit) isn’t enough to get people to change. People have to feel that they are ready to make change and then embrace their own process to do so. Until then your words will fall on deaf ears and will only render you frustrated and create resentment on their part – everyone loses.

If you really want to “fix people,” help them to see why they may be broken. Highlight aspects of their behavior and kindly bring it to their attention and then STEP BACK. That might mean take yourself out of the equation for a bit so that they can do the work. If you stay in their life, they may not feel the need to do the work. But your absence may encourage them to reach higher. When you give people space, they generally find their own way towards change. When you sit on top of them, no doubt they will resist your efforts.

Choosing to stay in their life is fine as long as you detach from your need for them to change. You can’t make people be who you want them to be or be who you think they should be. You have to let people be who they are. And in the process of giving them that space, the seeds you plant with them will hopefully blossom over time.

You want to fix people? Teach them to plant better seeds for themselves and then GET OUT OF THEIR GARDEN. Let them nurture their own growth. And maybe one day, they will share their harvest with you.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Written by Donnalynn Civello


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